the heart of a mother.

I know that with everyone writing about the tragedy that occurred in Connecticut last week you're probably feeling totally inundated with everyone's thoughts on the situation, so feel free to skip over this post if you'd like. But, I basically just needed to put my thoughts out as a way of processing for myself and wanted to share my heart...

I remember the Columbine high school shootings. I was a freshman in high school when it happened. I remember feeling sad about it...more shocked actually, but I was so self-centered (as many teenagers are apt to be) that I moved on from it pretty quickly. It didn't really affect me a whole lot. Maybe that seems terrible, but it's true.

But, when I turned on the news this Friday and heard about the terrible events that happened in Newtown, Connecticut I couldn't help but cry. Since becoming a mother I have become a lover of not just my own child, but all children. I was a teacher before I had Fern, so I've always loved kids, but this is different. 

My heart feels interconnected with every mother and child and it's almost like I take a little bit of their broken-heartedness on myself when I read about things like this. Obviously, I cannot even begin to comprehend the sadness that the families of the precious little first graders are going through, but my heart is so wrought for them. I keep thinking: "How I would even be able to function if Fern was one of those children?"...it's too horrible to even think about and I've cried multiple times as it's popped up in my head.

I wish there was something I could do to help.

But, I've been praying. Praying that God will bring people into the lives of these families that will bring them peace and love. There is nothing that will ever make this "OK", but love can cover these families, friends, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers...and offer them the smallest bit of comfort like the Bible says.

1 Peter 4:8

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

I'm not a theologian or anything, so I may be taking this verse out of context, but even so it's true...love can breathe new life and hopefully over time it will be able to cover the sins of the person who did this to all of these innocent people.

I for one am trying to appreciate my baby a little bit more and hug her a little more often. But, I am also more aware that there are people hurting out there. I think about the person who did this and I think of his mother. I wonder how long she was suffering in silence and dealing with the issues of her son? I wonder if she didn't feel like she could ask for help? It makes me even more determined to be relational with others and get into people's lives. We all have our struggles. Would things have been any different if someone had invested in this young man's life? If someone had taken the time to show him love? I know the everyone is talking about what an awful monster he is to have done this terrible thing and I can't say that those same thoughts haven't crossed my mind, but I also realize that he is just a person...a flawed and broken person like all the rest of us. What if instead of viewing him as the "disturbed", "weird" kid like I've read over and over, someone had invited him into their lives. What if someone had prayed for him and loved on him?

I know there a thousand "what ifs", so I'm not going to obsess over them, but I am encouraged to live my life more intentionally. We were not created to be loners, but rather for relationship and we need to be investing in others, because if we aren't doing that, then what's the point?

Hopefully this wasn't too rambling, but I just needed to sort this out for myself a bit.

xo

Lauren